The Day My Preschooler Said "#@%$*&" !!!

Why else would your cute little Daniel look over at Uncle Willard and blurt out, gleefully, "You're a #@%$*&!!" ?

Well, of course, everyone's right. You did say it first. But you didn't think Daniel heard you. And even if he did, you certainly didn't think he knew what a #@%$*& was.

The truth is, he doesn't know. But, at the age of three, he knows you well enough to read your intentions-it's one of the most important parts of a child's development. And when he heard you use that word (maybe you called a driver who cut you off on the freeway a-you know), Daniel understood from your tone that the word was intended for its impact. And, today, he proved it. The whole extended family stares at your very proud son, the instant center of attention.

Kids love attention. Between the ages of two and five, swearing is a temptation many children can't resist. They know, they'll get a reaction. Often, especially in large family gatherings, the best way for a child to get attention is through shock. And, let's face it, adults are often guilty of encouraging them, by laughing at the sound of such language coming from a young mouth.

Using "adult" words can make a child feel like he's growing up. From about the age of two, children begin to seek independence, searching for their own identity. Even if he doesn't understand the meaning or the context of the words he tries, a child relishes testing the forbidden nature of their use. He's heard you use the word(s), and felt the charged atmosphere that inspired you to curse. He wants to replicate that kind of imagined authority. Part of his job as a growing child is to discover his boundaries-how far can he go, without going too far?

So, at some point, most parents will find themselves in the embarrassing situation you're in right now. It doesn't mean you're a bad parent or a crude person. But there are a few things you can do to avoid too many ruined family dinners.

Obviously, be careful of the words you use around your child. He will use the same words, at some point-count on it. When he does speak them, try not to act shocked. That will only enforce his expectations about the words. Instead, calmly explain to him what swear words are, and how their use indicates a failure to deal with a situation in an acceptable way. Let him know that you don't want to hear such language from him, and outline the consequences of its use. And be prepared to follow through, the next time it happens.

Suggest acceptable alternative words, when your child swears-and try to follow your own example, around him.

Monitor your child's TV habits. Even a two-year-old can learn to master a remote control. And you know what he can hear, even on a daytime soap opera.

Make Daniel apologize to Uncle Willard. Let him know that even language can be hurtful, when used carelessly.

And, of course, you should apologize to Uncle Willard. Even if he really is a #@%$*&.

Author : J Gardener